I started my journey just over a year ago and pretty much fell flat on my face. I started out with big and lofty but well intending goals that just weren't planned or thought out enough to become a reality. However, hind site being 20/20 'n all, I think I had my excuses lined up and ready anyhow.
But...things feel different this year. I suppose the reason things feel different is because the true "weight" of my weight is hitting me harder today than ever before. My kids are both running faster than me, the action in my bedroom at night is laughable. My blood pressure is up, I'm tired all the time but still have trouble sleeping and my back hurts. So, basically feel like crap. I've never "felt" my weight as much as I do this year for some reason.
The usually loving responses from family and friends, "Oh, you carry your weight so well!" It's funny how easily we let ourselves believe these things. It's funny because I'm a 33 year old woman who is morbidly obese.
Morbidly. Obese.
I can't wear morbidly obese well anymore.
I know that the reassurances and acceptance from family comes from a place of love - even if it is misplaced - but I think I need a good dose of some truth. Now that doesn't mean I'm ready for the crowd to chant "lard ass!" as I walk by or anything but the truth doesn't have to hurt, right? At least not anymore than being 110 lbs overweight does.
So I'm starting anew, focusing on being more active and eating a more balanced diet. Making exercise part of my normal life, not a fad that soon dissipates to be replaced by those nagging nasty ol' habits of mine. I'm focusing on eating a variety of healthy foods that not only meet the normal caloric intake of a 33 year old woman, rather than a 21 year old frat boy, but those calories are also going to bring balance and the nutrients my body deserves.
No more huffing and puffing just to roll over in bed (not to mention those other special things husbands and wives are supposed to have the energy to do). No more, "I don't want to play right now baby. Mommy's tired". And definitely no more silent pleas, "I would love to try that fun, exciting, amazing thing you're telling me about but I can't because I'm too fat" and smiling the whole time saying how fascinating it sounds.
I'm going to do be able to do it this year. I'm going to say YES to that roll in the hay with my man! I'm going to ask the kids if they feel like play hide and seek with me! I'm going to run a 5k, then maybe a marathon, climb a mountain, and then sky dive or whatever fabulous and fun adventure I feel like taking on!
I am a beautiful, funny, adventurous woman and it's high time the cover on the book makes that crystal clear!
